


Magnus, I’m Gay

by YassBanrion



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Happy Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:51:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26960173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YassBanrion/pseuds/YassBanrion
Summary: Repost of my own work for International Coming Out Day: Alec finally says the words he’s been keeping inside.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	Magnus, I’m Gay

**Author's Note:**

> So I already posted this one shot in my A-Z of Malec fic (which I am majorly behind on). But I wanted to put it here on its own in honour of International Coming Out Day! I have not been brave enough to say the words out loud, but I hope to get to where Alec is someday! Also so much love to everyone who is at every stage of their journey 🌈 💜

Gay.

Alec vividly remembered the first time he had heard that word.

He had been 12, and one of the older girls in the institute had left a mundane magazine in the canteen. Alec had flicked through it out of curiosity and had found an article about sexuality.

There was a word for boys who liked other boys, and others too.

He had never told anyone how he felt, he barely even knew how he felt himself. He just knew as other boys were starting to act funny around the girls, he was feeling like that around them.

He had nothing to anchor him though, no explanation, no way to comprehend his feelings. He didn’t know anybody who dated someone of their own gender. He had spent most of his life at the academy, and the summers he was in New York they were barely allowed to leave the grounds.

He had never dared to use the computer in case someone would see, had never spoken to anyone. So seeing it written down, seeing that it wasn’t just him, alone in the world, made him feel happy.

It wasn’t for a couple more years that he realised what this really meant for him. It wasn’t until he realised that he was going to be expected to date girls, to marry a girl. He couldn’t imagine himself ever doing either, and it left a pit in his stomach.

The word which had brought him comfort once had started to putrefy, started to haunt him. He got older and his parents bore down on him harder and harder, expecting him to be the best. So every time he would do something wrong, his brain would taunt him, remind him that he couldn’t ever be the son they wanted.

That word had begun to suffocate him. The mundane world grew more excepting and he saw it everywhere. He would watch boys kissing and holding hands while he sat glamoured on subway and his heart would ache.

The word became his constant taunting companion. Even when he admitted how he felt to Isabelle he couldn’t use the word, as if saying it out loud would make it real.

He was sure he would remain in this constant agony forever, until he met Magnus, and everything began to shift into place. It wasn’t easy, he pushed back hard at first but that first kiss turned everything on it’s head.

Alec realised, for the very first time, that he had to be himself, or he would be crumble away to nothing. The clave would have to accept him as he was, because otherwise he would have been crushed under the weight of his own pain.

So he had pushed himself to be brave, with Magnus holding him steady the entire time.

So here he sat, after five months of dating, with I love you’s already exchanged, and there was something else Alec needed to say to Magnus.

Cuddling further into Magnus’ arms where they sat on the rooftop, he finally felt ready.

“Magnus”, he half whispered, taking his boyfriends attention from the book he was reading, “I’m gay”.

There was a beat of silence, and then Magnus softly kissed his temple, squeezing him just a bit tighter. He didn’t have to remind Alec this was not new information, he just knew that this was an important moment.

“I’m so proud of you darling”, and Alec felt his heart beat just a little faster, in a way that brought a smile to his face.

As he turned to kiss his boyfriend he realised that he had finally taken back his word, and once again it brought him happiness.


End file.
